What is right and wrong?

If I refer to the NLP Model of Communication that I use a lot with clients, it explains how we filter the millions of bits of information we take in through our senses from our previous experiences and memories, our values, our beliefs and the language we use.  We delete, distort and generalise information coming in through our senses and create our own map of the world; our perception of the world, who we are and what we believe to be true.

So is there any right and wrong or is it all just perception?  Our own unique view of the world and ourselves in it, filtered through our own unique experiences.

That’s an existential conversation to have whilst sitting on a beach watching the waves with a glass of wine in hand, if anyone wants to join me…😊

But in all seriousness, it was the focus of a phenomenal coaching session with my Coach a couple of weeks ago.

As I believe we create our own reality, consciously and unconsciously, I recently found myself creating situations whereby people were telling me I was wrong, about things I absolutely knew with all my heart were right.  Right and true for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done enough personal development and deep healing work over the years to hold my hands up and own my mistakes.  Whilst it’s still uncomfortable, and nobody likes making mistakes, even though we know it’s where the biggest learning comes from blah, blah, blah-de-blah, it still doesn’t feel nice when we f*ck up, right?

But, being no stranger to vulnerability, I can drop into that discomfort nowadays and own it, so I can move through it.  And take the learning, obvs!!

So I knew the situations I was creating, whereby I was being told I was wrong, were not about that.  I knew it wasn’t me projecting what I didn’t want to own or accept about myself onto others.  It wasn’t about a fear of vulnerability, it was bigger than that.

And I know that when something triggers us about others, it’s because there’s potentially something to be explored and accepted in our own inner world; it’s triggering us because it’s also in us but we don’t want to acknowledge or accept it.

I was told I had cancer in 2020 and am currently writing a book (in case you weren’t aware) about healing in a holistic way.

So I found myself posing the question to my unconscious mind (where all our habits and behaviour are stored) through a meditation practice…was I still holding onto cancer in my energetic field?  And the answer came back, yes.

My Coach reminded me that nothing can enter our energy field without our permission so I’d invited it in.  I was holding it there for some reason.  So what was the purpose of that?  Why was I holding onto it?

With some deep exploration I realised I was trying to prove that someone else was wrong.  Because I could only be right if the medical model, I was being measured by, was wrong.  And if they were right and I was wrong, I had incurable cancer.

Unconsciously I was feeling I needed to prove them wrong so I could be right.  And in the process of trying to prove someone else wrong, I was holding the cancer – the low vibrational energy – in my energy field.

My Coach asked me…if you take away right and wrong, what is left?  Well…that would be perception.  Perception is all there is.

The key question is, how is your perception serving you?  And if it’s not, how could you recognise how you’re filtering sensory information and creating your map of the world; your perception?

And with that massive realisation, my Coach supported me to do an incredibly powerful visualisation (more on the power of visualisation in my book) where I released the cancer – the low vibrational energy – from my energy field.

And along with that, I released the resistance to writing my book… well, a big chunk of it anyway.  Whilst I have been writing recently, I’ve been so aware it’s not been flowing.  I’ve been so aware it hasn’t been coming from my heart; I’ve been forcing it out via my head.  I’ve been writing what I THINK I should write, not what I FEEL and know I want and need to write.

I now know the resistance to writing has been about a massive fear of judgement.  A massive fear of being told I’m wrong when I know with all my heart I am not wrong.  And I now know it was about a massive fear associated with saying the medical model, I’m being measured by, is wrong.  A model that is only focussing on a physical symptom rather than looking at the whole system; how the emotional, mental, physical and energetic are interacting and what had caused my ‘system’ to be out of alignment.  What had created the dis-ease in my system in the first place.

But with that awareness, came the massive realisation I don’t need to prove anyone else wrong.  Just because the medical model I was being measured by is wrong for me, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  It just means it’s not right for me.  Other people have their own perceptions, formed through their own filters, just as I have my own perception and my own beliefs formed through my own filters.

All I need to do is trust myself and my own truth.  All I need to do is listen to the truth in my heart.

And my truth is that the cancer/the dis-ease that I unconsciously created in my physical body, was a result of emotional trauma and emotional wounds.  Emotional wounds and trauma that pulled my body out of a state of homeostasis where my immune system wasn’t able to heal itself.  Emotional wounds and trauma which kept me in a fight or flight state (and freeze a lot of the time) whereby the survival emotions inhibited my immune system.  Emotional wounds and trauma that I have now healed through much deep healing.

And my response to those who might want to challenge my perception?  To those who might say I’m in denial and don’t want to accept the ‘truth’, I would say that denial is “the conscious refusal to perceive that painful facts exist”.  To those whose ‘maps’ think I’m in denial, my response would be you haven’t seen or experienced the tsunami of emotion and body-clenching pain that I’ve chosen to drop in to in order to feel and release old trauma and old emotional wounds that have been stuck in my body for many, many years, pulling it out of a state of homeostasis where my immune system wasn’t able to keep me well.

To those who would say I’m in denial, I would say, I’ve trudged through years of suppressed, unexpressed and unhealed emotion and I’ve released old, survival patterns of behaviour.  The biggest of which would be speaking my truth.

So here I am, speaking my truth.  Speaking my truth as I know it is, in my heart and my whole being.  Speaking my truth with the risk that I’ll probably piss some people off and some people might reject my perception.  And they might even reject me.  And yes, that’s quite terrifying to the little girl within me who just wants to be loved.

But the truth is, my truth is that I am really, really well.  Possibly more well than I’ve ever been in my life, because I am so connected to who I am at the core of me.  I am so connected to why I created unhelpful survival patterns which stopped me from expressing my whole self and releasing stuck emotion.  I am so connected to the little girl within me who was terrified of speaking her truth in case people didn’t love her anymore but who I’ve realised is actually a quiet, little rule-breaker underneath all her people-pleasing learnt behaviours.

I’m so connected to that little girl who listens verbally and non-verbally to everything that is going on around her and doesn’t always agree with everyone else or what she’s being told to do, but who leant she had to keep quiet about that and go along with what everyone else was doing.

I’m so connected to the little girl who has been waiting for me to come back for her and give her a voice so that we can say “actually, no, I don’t agree with that”.

And she now knows I will protect her and hug her if we are rejected for speaking our truth and whilst that will feel shit, it will keep us mentally, emotionally, physically and energetically well so she knows we have to do that.

And she now knows I will hold her hand and give her a hug when we f*ck up together…because we will.  And we’ll take the learning, obvs 😊

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With love Sarah xx