​My son and I were watching a Michael McIntyre comedy sketch the other day about the different behaviours people exhibit while driving and how we react to others’ driving. I was laughing as he was animatedly describing how exciting it feels when you let someone out of a junction, or on the motorway, and they give you a ‘hazard-light-thank-you’. It’s the pinnacle in ‘driving-courtesy’ from my perspective and it says “I see you, I appreciate you and I’m going to tell the whole road how kind you’ve been” 😊. OK, so maybe that’s just me who feels that way but hey, it works for me.

But, of course, this makes complete sense. We are wired to be connected with others, and when we feel seen and significant, we feel like we belong. The simple act of working together and respecting and acknowledging each other meets our emotional needs.

So what happens when you let someone out of a junction or on the motorway and you don’t get a hazard-light-thank-you….or even a token wave in the mirror? How do you choose to react to that?

Do you roll your eyes and tut because your selfless act has been ignored? Do you feel a flicker of annoyance and hold onto that feeling so that you don’t let anybody else out of a junction for the rest of your journey? Or do you put all your energy into over-taking them and glaring at them as you go past, to let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they are a bad person?

Well, of course, all of those responses are a choice.

I recently attended a brilliant talk by Dr David Hamilton  about how the mind heals the body.

He uses the term ‘kindfulness’ and makes the similarity between the positive effects that mindfulness can have on your brain and body with the positive impact of being kind.

In mindfulness, when you bring your attention to the fact you’re breathing, you are observing your breath and it’s like a workout for the brain. You are no longer breathing you are thinking about breathing and that increases muscle growth (neuroplasticity) in the prefrontal cortex.

David Hamilton shared that:

“Brain imaging studies indicate that kind and compassionate feelings cause physical changes in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, biased to the left-hand side. That’s the portion of the brain behind and above the eyes. This left-hand portion is known to be an area associated with positive emotion. With kindness and compassion practice, the area grows much as a muscle grows when we exercise it. The result is that anything that area is used for becomes easier to access, just as anything that a muscle is used for becomes easier if it’s been strengthened through exercise. And so kindness and compassion build this brain region, making positive emotion easier to access”.

Kind and compassionate thoughts towards ourselves and others create feelings which produce the neurotransmitter, oxytocin. Oxytocin expands the blood vessels so the heart doesn’t have to work so hard to pump blood round the body and, therefore, lowers blood pressure.

David also shared that research shows that kindness (due to how it feels when you’re kind) boosts levels of an important immune system antibody. And compassion, the feeling that usually motivates a kind act, stimulates the portion of the nervous system that controls the ‘Inflammatory Reflex’, which helps control inflammation levels in the body.

So, in contrast to the feelings induced by stress, which produce adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormone) which lower your immunity, raise your blood pressure and generate free radicals and inflammation in the arteries and immune system. Feelings of kindness help reduce free radicals in the arteries and immune system, lower your blood pressure, boost your immunity and reduce inflammation in your body.

So how will you choose to respond the next time you let someone out of a junction and they don’t thank you?

Personally, I prefer to assume they were in a little world of their own and just forgot to thank me. Or maybe they’d just had some bad news and were sad or pre-occupied with their own thoughts, rather than having made a choice not to thank me.

I’ll let Roald Dahl sum this up with his wonderful quote from ‘The Twits’:

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Choose kindness. Choose wellness. Don’t be a Twit 😊.