I’ve always described myself as being “not good at endings/goodbyes”.  I’ve sobbed my way through many an ending and have somehow labelled that as negative.

I saw this post on Facebook this week and it really resonated:

“Most of us have been raised to believe that the road to a happy life is paved with pleasure, and that the pursuit of pleasure is the path to fulfilment. But as we grow up, we begin to realize that life is not always easy or pleasurable. In fact, much of it is difficult and painful. We all experience loss, disappointment, illness, aging, and eventually death. We encounter stress, anxiety, and fear. We suffer from the slings and arrows of everyday life.

And yet, we continue to cling to the idea that happiness is found in pleasure and the avoidance of pain. We try to avoid our painful experiences by numbing ourselves with drugs or alcohol, distracting ourselves with TV or social media, or obsessing over our work or our relationships. But the more we try to avoid the basic reality that all human life involves pain, the more we are likely to struggle with that pain when it arises, thereby creating even more suffering.

The truth is that happiness is not found in the avoidance of pain, but in the willingness to face and accept our pain. It is in the willingness to experience our painful thoughts and feelings, to acknowledge them without judgment, and to take action in line with our values and goals. It is in the willingness to be present in the moment, to connect with our senses and our environment, and to find joy and meaning in the simple things in life.” ~Russ Harris

We are emotional beings.  Emotions give us vital information about what makes us happy or sad,  what is safe or not safe or what we like or don’t like.  Emotion is energy-in-motion and is supposed to be felt and released; to flow through us so it doesn’t get stuck in our body and create physical dis-ease.

When we label emotion as negative the risk is we push it down, we suppress it and avoid it and we make life choices that perpetuate that avoidance.  We tell ourselves that we don’t want to step into a new career, a new relationship, or write a book (more on that later!) in case we have to experience the pain or disappointment of it not working out.  We “protect” our hearts from having to experience emotions we’ve labelled as bad.

When we “protect” our hearts those defence mechanisms not only stop us from having to experience so-called negative emotions but they also stop us experiencing the joy that life has to offer.  They stop us connecting from the heart with others; being fully seen and fully heard in all our weird and wonderful, imperfect uniqueness.

“How can you let people see the real you if you’re afraid of what they might see?”

I’ve mentioned this quote from Brene Brown many times in blogs over the years and it’s still one of my favourites.

We are perfectly imperfect human beings.  We’ve no doubt been broken many times through our lives (if you’re as old as me) but the “cracks are how the light gets in”.  The pain is what makes us beautiful, vulnerable human beings.  It makes us REAL.

And in case you were wondering why I’ve posted a picture of a broken, wonky, wooden spatula it’s because it’s my favourite cooking utensil.  It’s been broken many times over and yet it’s still the utensil I seek out when I’m cooking, because it’s helped me cook some amazing meals, and it’s also helped me create some monumental fuck-up’s in the kitchen.

At the core of everything I do as a Transformational Coach is support clients to love their whole selves.  To delve into all the parts of themselves, which are buried in the unconscious mind, which they’ve learned aren’t worthy of love, connection and belonging (fundamental emotional needs we all have) over their lifetime so they’ve pushed them away; they been fragmented.

The work that I do supports clients to re-integrate all of those disowned or disconnected parts of themselves so they no longer need to avoid them.  So they can be fully present and able to listen to the wisdom of their heart and gut, and make life choices from a place of love rather than fear.  And so they can trust that they will be able to feel, release and move through any so-called negative emotions that might appear along the way.

So what I’ve come to realise is it’s not actually true that I’m not good at endings.  What I’m starting to believe is that I’m actually rather good at endings.  Yes, they are painful and yes, I might turn into a broken mess and resemble a wonky, old, wooden spatula for a little while, but I trust that the emotion will pass and I will come back into my body and into the present moment, so I can carry on with my life with an open-heart and experience all the joy life can offer.

Get in touch if you’d like to learn more about how Transformational Coaching can help you reconnect with your whole self.

With love Sarah xx