My little, furry soul mate, Paddy, follows me everywhere I go, he is my shadow.  He is curious, hilarious and extremely affectionate and I adore him…and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.

I’ve always adored animals.  They are non-judgemental and they love without condition.  There is nothing more relaxing than a purring cat on your lap (unless you’re allergic, of course) or the greeting your dog gives you when you come back down the stairs having only been up there for 2 minutes!

Animals don’t care what you look like, whether you passed that latest exam, what car you drive or how well you did in that presentation.  They just want to be in a safe, loving relationship with you and if you give them that, they give it back in bucket loads.

Having recently trained as an Equine Facilitated Coach I’ve also experienced the phenomenal impact that horses can have on our lives if we help them feel safe.

Horses are prey animals, they are energy preservers; in a relaxed yet heightened state of awareness.  They sense the emotional states, intentions and non-verbal danger signals in herd members at a distance so they can keep each other safe.

People also absorb each other’s emotional states, intentions and non-verbal, unconscious body language the whole time.  However, unlike horses, we don’t always pay attention to the messages.

In Equine Facilitated Coaching, clients work with horses to learn how to influence and inspire their own clients, team or family through non-verbal communication.  Whilst leading a horse sounds simple, you need to earn their respect and they need to trust you to feel safe; just the same process that needs to be adopted when leading people.

You can’t coerce a horse into doing something they don’t want to do and you can’t coerce a person to willingly do something they don’t want to do.  The difference is people are more compliant and may well do the thing you’ve told them to do but it is likely to damage the relationship, and the trust and respect may be lost.

In order to effectively lead a person (or a horse), you must build a respectful and trusting relationship.  When you learn how to non-verbally build respect and trust with the horse they will want to come with you (be in your herd).  And once you have embodied this experience, it is possible to repeat the same experience in any area of your life where you need to lead.

When we are connected with ourselves and have an awareness of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations and intuition – and we clearly communicate that (verbally and non-verbally) then we are congruent and people (and horses) will feel safe around us.

People learn to ‘hide’ parts of themselves that they feel aren’t necessarily good enough or appropriate to ‘belong’; some may have an unconscious script driving their behaviour that “I’m only acceptable if I’m funny”, “I’m only acceptable if I’m seen as the expert” or “I’m only acceptable if I’m the loudest person in the room”.

People wear masks to keep themselves safe; safe from the fear of being rejected, of not being good enough or the fear of being too good and standing out from the crowd.  The mask helps them conform to how they believe they need to behave.  However, it stops others from seeing and connecting with them on a deep level.

It is courageous to take off a mask AND it allows others to see congruent behaviour.

In the Equine Coaching world, when we are congruent – courageous, make ourselves vulnerable and are honest about who we are – the horse will trust us and want to come with us.  And when we can embody how we do that non-verbally with a horse, we can transfer that mask-free, congruent behaviour into our lives and give others permission to do the same.

So my little shadow-cat is a perfect reminder that your shadow is actually the light.  Be in a relationship with your shadow.  Bring those parts of yourself you’ve been hiding away because you’ve learnt they aren’t quite good enough and accept ALL of you.  Know that you are enough and show up and be SEEN with all your perfect imperfections and give others permission to do the same.

With love Sarah and Paddy xx