It’s been a tough couple of months in my world.  I lost my Dad last month and then 3 weeks later I lost my beautiful cat.  My beautiful little furry soul mate who was so much more than a cat to me; he was and is part of me.

Navigating the losses and processing all the associated emotions is tough but I know, in time, I’ll transmute the pain into something wonderful and hopefully a legacy for them.

What I do know though is that both of those losses are signposts for me to express more of the true essence of who I am.

In my Supervision group yesterday we were discussing the ways in which we support clients to notice the “structures” they’ve build through their lives to create an identity for themselves.  Often those structures, or mentally constructed versions of reality, are created as a result of unprocessed trauma, unmet emotional needs or other people’s stories projected onto us.  And limiting beliefs and perceptions of ourselves are often created as a result. 

Limiting beliefs and perceptions that we’re not clever enough, attractive enough, successful enough, interesting enough, funny enough….the list goes on.  We might not even be aware of limiting beliefs and perceptions that are controlling our thoughts, feelings and behaviour and causing us to live in a state of fear.

But what if you KNEW you were worthy of love, connection and belonging just the way you are?  Who would you be?  What would you do?

When we hide our true essence behind a conditioned version of ourselves; behind defences and walls and masks because we’re afraid we won’t be accepted for who we really are, we stop others connecting with us.

When we let go of all the mentally constructed nonsense we’ve learned to believe about ourselves we can love our whole self; the messy, imperfect human that we are.

My Dad and I weren’t able to connect in a way I know we both would have liked in this lifetime.  It’s nobody’s fault, we both did our best with the internal resources we had available, and I’ve spent years letting go of any associated emotions in that regard and forgiving him and forgiving myself.  And all that remains is love.  Love for him and love for me.

I believe my beautiful Paddy came here to show me unconditional love.  He was my never-ending source of love, nurture, support, laughter and joy. 

He came here to show me how to be me. 

A friend said to me after he died that he was still with me and I should remember he’s zooming around in the fields in the sunshine having a wonderful time.  It made me laugh as Paddy was never really a ‘zoomer’, he was a plodder 😊.  He just pottered around, loving everybody and making the world a better place just by being himself.

He came here to help me heal from the loss of my Mum, my marriage break-up and my cancer diagnosis.  He came here to show me that love heals everything and when we can love ourselves we can co-create a more peaceful world. 

I believe he felt his purpose was met and he told me it was time to let him go.

So my promise to my Dad and to my beautiful Paddy is a commitment to continue the process of loving myself unconditionally.  To forgive myself for the mistakes I make and help others love their whole selves to co-create a more peaceful world; to potter around, loving everybody and making the world a better place just by being myself, in the best way I can.

And in tribute to my Dad, who was a journalist, I will continue to express the true essence of who I am through writing.

With love as always

Sarah xx