I’ve always loved reading and since I got slightly obsessed with personal development over 10 years ago, have only read personal development or coachy-type books since.

In recent years I’ve noticed I’ve missed escaping into a wonderful or raunchy holiday read but a little voice in my head will normally say “but what about this personal development book, it’ll teach you something you don’t know”.  And it normally wins to be honest.

But what I have noticed in recent years, where I used to read personal development books and spend hours writing up copious notes about what I’d learnt and how I’d apply my learning, I no longer do that.  In fact, in recent years I’ve noticed I don’t even finish the book!  Shock…horror!

The studious, perfectionist in me who needed to prove (to herself) she had understood and had a plan about how to apply her learning, seems to have gone on vacation…no doubt reading some raunchy Penny Vincenci on a desert island, having cocktails served to her by a scantily clad waiter.

So what does that mean, I ask myself?

Whilst I’d like to believe it’s my rebellious side telling me to just stop with the learning and read a bloody raunchy novel, what I actually believe is happening is that I’ve got what I needed from the book.

I talk to clients all the time about a goal only ever being a direction of travel.  I talk to clients all the time about not being attached to an outcome.  And I talk to clients all the time about trusting the process and going with the flow.  So, whilst my goal had been to start and finish each of the abandoned books on my bookshelf, my intuition told me I didn’t need to read any more.  I’d got what I needed and would know how to apply what I’d learnt if I stayed in the present moment and trusted I’d learnt and assimilated what I needed.

Interestingly, this shift in perspective coincides with an unexpected revelation about my coaching clientele. Surprisingly, about 70% of my clients this year have been men, a contrast to my assumption that women would be my primary audience.

I love working with women, as much as I love working with men, as basically we are all just human beings with fascinating stories and fascinating tapestries of experiences.  But  recently I’ve felt like I’ve been having a bigger impact with men.  So why is that?

• Maybe because there has apparently been so much help, support and advice for women, the straight, white male has got somewhat lost?
• Maybe because our world conditions men to hide their emotions from a very young age so as not to be seen as vulnerable, as this has somehow been labelled as weak?
• Maybe because the tools that men have been taught to connect with others (and this is obviously not exclusive to men) involve banter or alcohol, and whilst, no doubt, provide some short-term fun, is missing something?

I don’t know the answers to those questions.  As always, the client knows their own answers, not me.  I just do the questions :).

But what I do know is, whatever the reason they’ve come to coaching, having a safe space to show up and be their whole, messy, emotional, human selves, is supporting them to connect with their real and authentic selves.  It is supporting them to connect with their true identity and why they are here on this planet, to connect with what actually makes them feel good in their lives.

It is supporting them to take off the armour and the masks and truly connect with themselves, supporting them to connect with others, authentically from the heart.  And it is supporting them to recognise that we all share the same fundamental emotional needs to be seen and heard and to feel safe and loved.  And whilst we all express ourselves in different ways as we each navigate our human experience in a consumerist world – a world attempting to pull us further and further away from our hearts and guts and our intuition – fundamentally we all want and need the same things.

So imagine my surprise when I started listening to Caitlin Moran’s “What about Men” on Audible – thanks, as always to Claire Burgess for her superb recommendations 😊 – and I just knew, without any shadow of a doubt, that I would be finishing this book!

This thoughtful, empathic and insightful book explores the challenges of modern masculinity, as well as being downright hilarious.  I’ve now lost count of the number of times I’ve laughed out loud while listening to it on Audible while I’ve been out running.  The poor dog-walker whose face I laughed in yesterday as I ran past her, didn’t know what was going on!

So today I shall put a post-it note on my forehead saying “I’m laughing at my book, not you” when I go running.

And today, maybe I’ll search for that raunchy, holiday read too 😊.

With love Sarah xx