I’ve thought long and hard about whether to write this blog and my conclusion is that my heart says I should, so that’s what I’m going to listen to.

I always ask myself why I’m writing any blog.  What is the purpose?  What do I hope to achieve from writing it?  And the big-picture answer to that is pretty much always the same; to help me process something, as I know how therapeutic writing can be.

And to help others, who might resonate with something I’ve written, find their own way through a tricky situation.  I know how scary it can be to make yourself vulnerable but I also know that vulnerability enables us show up and be seen for who we really are, and gives others permission to do the same.

And ultimately I write because I love it!

So the purpose of writing this blog is just that.

On 20th August I was diagnosed with cancer.  Without a doubt the biggest shock of my life.  I didn’t see that coming.  Nobody saw that coming.

Understandably I am dipping in and out of the different emotions associated with any traumatic event in our lives (see my previous blog on the Change Curve).  But allowing myself to feel and process any emotion which arises is helping me think clearly about what actions I need to take to retain a sense of control over what I can control.

So what can I control?  I can control what I choose to believe and think.

I believe that we create our own reality – unconsciously much of the time.  On that basis I have created this dis-ease for a reason.

During a phenomenal coaching session with Sarah Ilaria Northe I had the insight that my Modus Operandi has always been to feel alone if I am feeling low; and to not really be sure where I belong.

What this experience has shown me is the overwhelming love and support that I am surrounded by.  I literally couldn’t ask for any more and I feel truly ‘held’ by all the amazing friends and family around me.  So the message from this dis-ease, as I see it, is that I have always ‘belonged’ and that love and support has always been there, but I wasn’t always seeing it.

One of my unhelpful patterns of behaviour I’ve been learning to let go of in recent years, is to stop trying to protect others from something that I perceive might make them feel uncomfortable or cause them pain in any way.  What I’ve learnt and am still practising, is speaking my truth, but always with empathy and compassion, and allowing others to take responsibility for their own responses.

I’ve also realised in recent weeks that my cancer diagnosis has given me permission to speak my truth.  To hold my boundaries and be clear about what I want and need, as well as what I don’t want and need.

I believe that our bodies are a huge resource which are always sending us messages and trying to guide us along the right paths for us.  When we don’t listen and HEAR the messages, the unheard or unexpressed emotion will show up in our body as dis-ease.

Both those messages feel like my truth that my body has been trying to communicate to me, probably for many years, but maybe I haven’t been listening quite as well as I could have.

But now I am!

Now I am 100% committed to hearing the messages and acting on them every day; to noticing and feeling the love and support which has always been there and to speaking my truth and holding my boundaries.

So now I don’t need the cancer and it can leave my body.  Of course it would be amazing if it were that easy and I’m being realistic that this could be the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced.

So my commitment to myself every day is to choose intentional thoughts.

“Like attracts like. It’s because of the Law of Attraction that the cells of every living creature are held together, as well as the substance of every material object. In your life, the law operates on your thoughts and feelings, because they are energy too and so whatever you think, whatever you feel, you attract to you.

If you think “I don’t like my job”, “I haven’t got enough money”, “I can’t find my perfect partner”, “I can’t pay my bills”, “I think I’m coming down with something”, “my child is a problem” then you must attract more of those experiences.

But if you think about what you’re grateful for, like, “I love my job”, “I feel amazing today” and you sincerely feel the gratitude, the law of attraction says you must attract more of those things into your life”.

Excerpt from “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne.

I wholeheartedly believe I will overcome this challenge, like every other challenge I’ve faced in my life, so I am going to choose thoughts which lead to helpful feelings and behaviour.  I am going to choose to focus on what I can control and choose to be grateful for all the amazing people and opportunities I have in my life.  And yes, I will have bad days and I will have wobbles but I am a 70’s child and I grew up playing with Weebles (amongst other weird, inappropriate or politically incorrect 70’s toys) so I might wobble but I won’t fall down.

With love and positivity to anyone who needs it right now xx